I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
