I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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