guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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