Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
