i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
