So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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