Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
