It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize