Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
