i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my liver is dry heaving
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