end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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