First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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