I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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