How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How naked do you want me to be?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
