I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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