I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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