found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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