I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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