so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
