Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
