Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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