She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize