I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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