haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
time to smoke my breakfast
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
