Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
