Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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