he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
