Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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