God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
