I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
