so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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