Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
