In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still dying that you shit outside
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
