all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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