is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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