His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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