Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
