It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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