Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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