I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
