totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
