Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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