i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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