Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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