You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
