i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
