I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
