I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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