Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sober January is a disaster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
