Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
