maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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