wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
