Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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