I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
