I didn't shave. On purpose
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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