Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
