lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
