quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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