hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
