Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
