you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
