My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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