i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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