He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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