If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
