Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What a dumb baby whore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
