My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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