My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
