That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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