she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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