It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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