Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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