Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
