Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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